Ishida International, Company Email
To: Michael McArthur, Grant Industries
From: Kiara Ishida, Chief Executive Office, Ishida International
About: Friendly Conversation
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Dear Mr. McArthur,
My sincerest apologies for being unable to attend the meeting Friday night. However, I am willing to redeem myself by stopping by this afternoon for a discussion about the conditions my sister and your representatives agreed to. She didn’t seem very willing to speak of anything else but the handsome Mr. Theophilus since their lunch date two days ago. I am hoping that you will extend an invitation for me to develop good relations with you and your colleagues in order to provide a smooth and comfortable transition from two separate companies, into one unstoppable force.
I await in eager anticipation, not only to finally meet you and Mr. Theophilus, but Mr. Grant himself also.
Looking forward to your reply,
Kiara Ishida
Chief Executive Officer, Ishida International
P.S I am aware that this is extremely odd, since you are not my legal representation, however I need to know, if I wanted to sue my psychiatrist, would I sue the psychiatrist himself or sue the Department of Occupational Health and Safety which (forced) referred me to him in the first place?
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-You have just received an email from Kiara Ishida-
“… Dear Mr McArthur….. yada yada……………………………oooh…. Very interesting… ……………….ANDREW! COME HERE! QUICK!”
“Yes? You wanted something?”
“Read this.”
“Dear Mr. McArthur…………………………………………….wow, she’s exactly like him isn’t she?”
“Should we tell him that she’s coming?”
“Nope”
“I was hoping you’d say that. I’ll email a reply right now.”
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Grant Industries, Company Email
To: Kiara Ishida, Chief Executive Office, Ishida International
From: Michael McArthur, Legal Department, Grant Industries
Re: Friendly Conversation…
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… would be most welcome. You are most welcome to drop by at any time, I am pleased that you would like to make yourself comfortable. We’ll be expecting you, I am also very keen to meet you also, Miss Ishida.
Yours Sincerely,
Michael McArthur
P.S In accordance with your legal dilemma, unless your psychiatrist has breached confidentiality or harassed you in any form, it’s HIS JOB to ask you questions of personal nature and make an assessment, regardless of his patient’s opinion.
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- You have just received an email from Michael McArthur -
“Alana, come here.”
“Yup?”
“Read this.”
“………………………………………………………………………………Yeah, and?”
“He says, I’m ‘most welcome’.”
“Well I think that was very nice of Mr. McArthur, he was a very charming man when I met him, had the impression that he was like the older brother of the two.”
“I think I’ll just stop by there now.”
“Wait! Kiara, where are you going? You told them that you’d be there this afternoon.”
“I will be there this afternoon and as you have read, their reply indicates I can drop by any time I wish. I intend to redeem that invitation right now.”
“But -”
“Tell Clara to clear my morning for the hour and push back that meeting this afternoon, I have much business to discuss. Love you, bye.”
“Kiar – sigh, bye.”
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Grant Industries, downstairs Lobby café
“A tall white chocolate Mocha Frappacino please.”
“Coming right up”
“Why hello, I spotted you from a distance away, and realized I’ve never seen you before.”
“You have so many employees, Mr. Grant I doubt you’d be able to remember them all by name.”
“I also doubt that I’d ever be able to forget someone as comely and stunning as you.”
“Aha, you flatter me Mr. Grant.”
“I’m sorry, but I didn’t catch your name.”
“I didn’t give it.”
“Are you from one of our International Departments, an Asian Proprietor perhaps? What department do you work in?”
“…Yours.”
“Oh really? You mustn’t be a new assistant, because Emily is finally learning the correct procedures that are required for her occupation, and you can’t be my new secretary …who are you?”
“Believe me, you’ll find out soon enough.”
“White chocolate mocha ma’am?”
“Yes, thank you. As I was saying, you’ll discover that soon enough. I’ll see you soon James.”
“I’ll…see you soon, then.”
(meanwhile)
“Andrew! Hey, Andrew! Is that Alana Ishida speaking with Jay over there?”
“…Nnnnope, I don’t think so. She would have told me if she were coming in.”
“So who is that then?”
“…Don’t tell me…”
“Are you meaning to say, that the boss is speaking with Kiara Ishida, and he doesn’t even know it yet?”
“BWAHA! He looks like he’s trying to seduce her.”
“And failing”
“Anyone got some popcorn?”
“We’re geniuses.”
“I’ll hi-five to that, brother. Oh – Hi Jay!”
“I’ve just met the most intriguing woman.”
“Yeah, she’s pretty hot.”
“I wish to meet her again. Mike, find out who she is.”
“heh, no need.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Nothing!”
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“Alana, I need a coffee.”
“You have one in your hand.”
“I need a new one.”
“So, how’d it go?”
“As expected. James Grant is a womanizing Vampire who’d commit to the random romp any time he feels like it, the philandering, lascivious, promiscuous immoral… there’s not even a noun for him!”
“You’ve used enough. I think your thesaurus just ran out.”
“Those were adjectives.”
“You could say Vampire.”
“I said that already.”
“At least you two have met.”
“I didn’t tell him who I was.”
“Y-You did what?”
“He thought I was some random employee and tried to chat me up. As suave and as pretty that man may think he is, he’s got another thing coming!”
“So you’re meeting them again this afternoon.”
“Yes. They’re expecting me there this afternoon. I needed to meet with James Grant on a level playing field. I need to know who I’m dealing with before I deal with them.”
“But it wasn’t a level playing field. You knew who he was.”
“And he knew who I was.”
“But, he didn’t recognize you. Let’s face it, our own father can’t recognize you.”
“Regardless, an assessment was required.”
“It’s not like you have a choice in the matter, he’s the one who’s buying us.”
“I will never allow, that egotistical man-whore run the company our family built from the back of a rickshaw.”
“Ouch, sis.”
“I will not have his stupidity besmirching the Ishida name. How they ever let that teenage boy run a multinational company, I don’t know. I don’t care what happens there this afternoon, but I remain the CEO.”
“Honey, you’ve had one conversation with the man.”
“But I know his type.”
“Just because you happened to spend six years in high school together, doesn’t mean he’s the same womanizing asshole he was when he was seventeen.”
“That was only a decade ago, you want to bet?”
“Yes, you’re noticeably different from your seventeen year old self.”
“That’s because I had ambition and drive to improve myself. You don’t know him like I do. He’s a stubborn, philandering -”
“Then you’ll know that he’s obstinate in maintaining his position. I was there that night at the restaurant, he’s as determined as you to remain the head.”
“But I have one thing he doesn’t”
“And what is that?’
“Morals”
“And what will you do if he doesn’t abdicate from the throne?”
“Seduce him right back.”
“Oh God…”
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In the late afternoon…
“You…”
“Hello Mr. Grant, Kiara Ishida, CEO of Ishida International, at your service.”
“You…”
“Given by your silence, I’m assuming that Mr. McArthur must have forgotten to inform you that I was stopping by today.”
“You…you were the…the café…”
“Hey Mike?”
“Yeah, Andrew?”
“I’m concerned.”
“About what?”
“Well, Jay looks… murderous right now.”
“He’s as red as a tomato.”
“I think he’s about to pop a vein.”
“On second thought, he’s a lovely shade of puce.”
“Puce? What’s that?”
“The color he is now.”
“Oh really, I’d just say that it was a marvelous shade of purple. Looks a bit plum, don’t you think?”
“Oh would you look at that, he’s completely stunned.”
“Speechless, he can’t even shake her hand.”
“Andrew, what do you think is going through his mind at the moment?”
“At the moment?.... At the moment I think he doesn’t know whether to be shocked, embarrassed or turned on. In about thirty seconds, he’s going to be thinking of fifty-eight different ways in which to murder us. Until then, I am content to sit back, relax and enjoy the show.”
“Is this worth our imminent death?”
“Totally”
“Totally”
“Wait, what’s he doing?”
“Miss Ishida, will you excuse me for just a moment?”
“Sure, Mr. Grant, we’ll be here awaiting your return before we begin.”
“Thank you.”
“Mike, where’s he going?”
“Why are you whispering?”
“Kiara’s right there.”
“Yeah, and?”
“She doesn’t need to hear our highly entertaining commentary.”
“Right, if I’m not mistaken….James was heading off into the direction of the toilet.”
“…um, Mike…is that, is that screaming?”
“…and I think I hear swearing.”
“Everyone! Quick! Come quick!”
“Emily, what’s going on?”
“I think man’s being murdered in the bathroom!”
“James!”
“Shit!”
“My, my, my, what a lively workplace you have here.”
“Miss Ishida, really, usually Grant Industries does not endorse such controversy…”
“No need to panic Mr. McArthur, on the contrary I find this situation quite amusing.”
“But Michael, what about James? Do you think something has happened to him?”
“I’m more concerned about what he’s done, actually.”
“Come, quick! I really think there’s someone in genuine distress! There’s screaming and wailing coming from the bathroom!”
…
“…Wait… it’s stopped.”
“Maybe we should check on James… he’s probably – James! Are you ok?”
“Yeah, you look, breathless are you -”
“My apologies for keeping everyone waiting, shall we begin?”
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“Hello, you’ve reached the home of Andrew Theophilus, Financial Advisor. My apologies for being unavailable to take your call at the moment. Please leave your name and number after the tone. BEEP”
“LISTEN YOU PATHETIC WASTE OF SEX - I SAW WHAT YOU DID TODAY. I SAW YOU SCAMPER AWAY WITH MICHAEL AFTER THE MEETING LIKE VERMIN. JUST YOU WAIT! I WILL FREEZE YOU WITH COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF LIQUID NITROGEN, SMASH YOU INTO PIECES WITH MY LOVELY LEADEN SLEDGEHAMMER AND THEN I WILL ARGENTINIAN TANGO ON YOUR CRIMSON CRUSHED ICY BITS LAUGHING…UPROARIOUSLY. I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO KIARA ISHIDA IS, SO YOU’D BETTER GET ME EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ON HER. I WANT TO KNOW WHERE SHE’S BEEN, WHAT SHE DOES AND HOW SHE GOT THERE. ARE YOU LISTENING! I WANT TO KNOW EVERY HAIR ON HER HEAD – OR I’LL HAVE YOURS.”
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“Greetings and salutations, you’ve reached the private number of Michael McArthur, the legal representation of Grant Industries who so happens to own a Porsche. So if you’re a budding car enthusiast who knows how to upgrade my engine, leave a message, if you’re a family member, friend or my wife, leave a message, if you’re a telemarketer, I will sue you and win. If you’re my boss, place the phone in its cradle and wait until tomorrow morning after you’ve had your coffee because I refuse to entertain you after business hours. If you persist, that’s harassment. BEEP”
“HARASSMENT? HARASSMENT? WHAT YOU AND ANDREW DID TO ME TODAY WAS INEXCUSEABLE! INEXCUSEABLE!! YOUR PORSCHE IS NOW REVOKED! NO MORE COMPANY CAR FOR YOU! I AM IMPOUNDING YOUR CAR INDEFINITELY! ONE MORE MOVE! JUST ONE MORE MOVE MR. MICKEY MOUSE AND YOUR BELOVED VEHICLE WILL BE RETURNED TO YOU AS METAL BEACHBALL!! GET ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT ISHIDA. NOW!!! YOU HAVE ONE HOUR.”
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“You’ve reached Andrew, if you’re my boss, I’m not here. BEEP”
“HOW DARE YOU IGNORE ME! ANSWER YOUR MOBILE! YOU HAVE 57 MINUTES!”
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“BUGGER OFF! BEEP”
“Jay, calm down. Honestly, nothing was hurt but your ego, and perhaps the poor man I think you murdered in the men’s bathroom. It’s the weekend, therefore I can’t do anymore work for you. Sweet dreams, my love.”
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“I’m not ignoring you. BEEP”
“What the bloody hell are you on about? No one was being murdered in the bathroom. I’m your BOSS. Therefore I tell YOU what to do, and when I do, you do it. 54 minutes!”
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“BUGGER OFF! BEEP”
“Oooh Jay, I believe I hear the tones of a dominatrix rising within you. Then who was screaming in the bathroom? I’m your financial advisor, not your assistant. Tell Emily to do it.”
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“You’ve reached Andrew, I’m not ignoring you. BEEP”
“Good God, is everything about sex with you? That was I screaming in the bathroom. I was experiencing a wild paroxysm in my tremendous fit of rage because I was publicly humiliated by two closest affiliates. I’m punishing you and Michael, not Emily – she brings me my Starbucks. 49 minutes!”
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“BUGGER OFF! BEEP”
“Then tell Michael to do it.”
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“You’ve reached the home of Andrew Theophilus, the Grecian sex-god. Tell Michael to do it. BEEP”
“You great coward. Be prepared to experience a reckoning like no other!”
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“Greetings and salutations, you’ve reached the private number of Michael McArthur, the legal representation of Grant Industries who so happens to own a Porsche, although may not for much longer. So if you’re a budding car enthusiast who knows how to upgrade my engine, leave a message, if you’re a family member, friend or my wife, leave a message, if you’re a telemarketer, I will sue you and win. If you’re my boss, please calm down. BEEP”
“47 minutes!”
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Gmail message
To: My gracious, benevolent boss
From: Your employee who loves his car
About: For the love of God, don’t steal Porcia!
Attch: KIshida-doc.
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Attached is all the information you need.
BUT PLEASE! PLEASE! For the love of God! Don’t take away my baby! Please don’t take my Porcia away from me! I am begging you! I’ll be good, please just let her live! Please don’t murder her, like you did that man in the bathroom.
Your eternal servant,
Michael
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Gmail message
To: Pitiful peasant
From: Your liege, lord and master
Re: What the…?
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Porcia? PORCIA? For God’s sake show some dignity man. You named your Porsche Porcia? I’d expect you to be a little more creative, but ah lawyers are prosaic like that. (Besides, are you not already shackled to the slave driver you call a wife?)
What are you an Andrew on about? I murdered no one in the bathroom. That was I screaming, and I blame you.
Bow down before me peasant,
Your King
“Beware, I sign your paychecks”
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Gmail message
To: The divine ruler
From: your peasant
About: Bathroom drama
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(Correction: You sir, are the slave driver.)
Were you being murdered in the bathroom then?
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Gmail message
To: Lowly surf
From: The Divine King
Re: Bathroom drama
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Yes, as a matter of fact I was. The great searing stokes of excruciating public humiliation was stabbing me through the heart. Such dejection from my two closest employees has left me mortally wounded, and I still blame both you and Andrew.
Such treachery from my subjects! Such traitorous deeds!
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Gmail message
To: Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
From: Get real
Re: Bathroom MELOdrama
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Stop being so melodramatic.
As a matter of fact, Kiara found the entire situation quite amusing.
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Gmail message
To: Dame Edna
From: AT LEAST I’M ROYALTY
Re: Serious issues which shall not be taken lightly
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I was potentially being murdered in the bathroom and she found it AMUSING?-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gmail message
To: Gay Lord
From: Famous purple glasses
Re: No one was killing you
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Yes.
I’ll talk to you later. Your pointless emails are flooding my inbox, and I don’t have much space left.
Go annoy Andrew.
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“Hello! You’ve reached Emily Connors, I’m really sorry for not being able to take your call! But if you leave a message, I’ll get back to you as soon as possible! Have a lovely day! WOOF! No – no Buster, away! Away from the phone, you’re making mummy mad! I’ll give you a doggy treat – Oh shit it’s still on - BEEP!”
“Emily! Tsk, tsk, tsk profanity on a public domain, how will you ever expect people - namely me - to be nice to someone who swears on the phone? Be useful and book an appointment with Dr. Dwyke and bring my coffee in five minutes earlier tomorrow morning. Extra hot!”
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Greek_god28: He’s stopped harassing me
MickeyMouse: You can thank me later
Greek_god28: Why, what did you do?
MickeyMouse: Gave him what he wanted
Greek_god28: Whipped….
MickeyMouse: Oi! He was threatening Porcia! I couldn’t let her die!
Greek_god28: Dude, Porcia is A CAR. Not your wife (How is Lavinia, by the way?) Seek some professional help, please. Why not see Dwyke?
MickeyMouse: Dwyke? Who’s that? (Lavinia is very fine thank you, she’s still visiting my mother, said she needs a break from my long hours. She can’t handle Jay’s petulance)
Greek_god28: Jay’s shrink
MickeyMouse: OH he wanted to sue him, now I remember. Quite honestly I don’t think that man is any assistance at all!
Greek_god28: I think he’s excellent
MickeyMouse: Please don’t tell me that you see him.
Greek_god28: Of course not! I’m not as psychotic as James. Just think about it. James hasn’t physically assaulted either of us.
MickeyMouse: Very true…
Greek_god28: Remember last time?
MickeyMouse: Urgh! Please don’t remind me! I had to purchase a padlock for my front door! Lavinia definitely didn’t like that.
Greek_god28: Yeah, and I had to replace mine.
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